Jokes!

I believe these jokes can be printed under the doctrine of "Fair Useage". If anyone complaigns about any of these jokes being on this webpage, I will remove it. Lion Mike (mikebell@netins.net). However, I don't believe there will be any problems...

April 2007 Jokes:

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.

One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she3 had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "It this it?" God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she deciced to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek imnplants, a face lift, liposuctioni, etc. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?" God replied: "Shirley! I didn't recognice you!"



November 2006 Jokes:

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." -George Gobel

"I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to." -Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

"Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"If history repeats itself, I though we can expect the same thing." - Terry Veneables

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Here are the October 2006 jokes:

"Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to"

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming"

"Lifes Touch, get a helmet!"

"If We Qujite Voting, Will They All Go Away?"

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON."

"Those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do."

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." Will Rogers

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridicious - everyone hasn't met me yet." Rodney Dangerfield

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower tghan yu is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." George Carlin

"The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep." Clinton Aide George Stephanopolus

"In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes." Adlai Stevenson